When I was talked into changing the van back in December Herself promised that we'd use it more often than we'd used the Swift recently, and to be fair she's been good for her word. Grumbles is grumbling a bit, but we make sure he's got meals to put in the Popty Ping for every day we're away.
He was offered to join us on this trip in a lodge of his own, but as we're already 6 adults, 2 kids and 6 dogs he declined as it'll be far too busy for him.
Saturday 8 August
Unusually for us the van is not loaded, we have piles of clothes and stuff to go back in all over the house, but after particularly difficult weeks in work neither of us CBA last night after Grumbles went home, promising an early fresh start in the morning.
4am and I'm tossing and turning in bed worrying about what I had to do and by 6am I gave up on any further sleep, getting up to load everything into Trude. Herself wasn't far behind and by 7am we've been to the yard and got the van loaded and ready to tow, except for the security devices.
Now with time to spare I had imagined calling in to Bocs Bwyd but Herself had other plans. She gets on the blower to Nelson.
"We're taking the dogs for a walk, do you want us to take yours as well while you finish loading up?"
Dogs walked and a frankly quite rank breakfast roll form Jenkins is consumed before we head down the yard for the second time.
Nursey is already there and Mike had their van hitched up, and by 10am we're sat out on the road waiting for Nelson and his tribe to join us.
The M4 was ok and we're making steady progress, except for the usual shite attempting to circumnavigate Newport. So much so that Nursey and Teacher are exchanging messages on our group chat about the good time we're making as we pass Amazon on the M49.
I don't share their enthusiasm and a little further on as we cross the M5 flyover glancing to my right I take in the view of an armada of caravans, motorhomes, trailer tents and Dacia Dusters with roof boxes. All with tail lights glowing bright red.
It's Saturday in the school holidays afterall. Lets just say the last 26 mile to site were tedious and leave it at that.
After checking in and getting lost and trapped on the site roads we find the pet area and settle on 3 pitches next to each other under the shade of the trees. Even if they weren't the only ones left we would have chosen them anyway. Dappled shade for the dogs and loads of room around them.
After setting up none of us CBA with cooking so me, Nelson and Mike head out to hunt for food, returning with a few white bags of goodness from "Taste of the Orient" in Burnham.
It wasn't great but filled a gap.
Late on we head up to the club for a pint outside with the dogs, Nelson and Teacher stayed behind to put a very tired Beastie and Bwmps down.
Sunday 9 August
Didn't have a great night to be honest, in fact it was really rough. The blob of grease from Taste of the Orient ensured I spent most of the night either on the toilet or dragging the waste tank over to the emptying point.
Caravan sites are strange places overnight, and at 3am I'm rather taken aback that Nursey's caravan has transformed itself into a spaceship.
Didn't stray too far from the vans today, a day of lounging about and playing with Beastie and Bwmps, aside from a brief excursion to Tesco for provisions.
Despite not doing much the day flew by and 6pm sees the Weber getting fired up to cremate some cow for tea.
After a day of flat out playing Bwmps was more than ready for his nighttime story from Herself before climbing into his bunk.
Monday 10 August
One of the best things for me about going away in the caravan is seeing the kids travel back in time a few decades, they lose their obsession with screens and days are filled riding bikes and playing games. Beastie is obsessed with Swingball and this morning it's Nelson's turn to indulge her with some seriously competitive daddy daughter time.
It's decided we should show willing and head off out for a bit, so piled into the wagons we make the short trip into Brean. Parking was an issue, the ideally placed car park had a 2m height barrier, and accessing it with Trude and a roof box was out of the question, so we parked up outside The Gull a little further along South rd. Brean is quiet though, very quiet in comparison to how it was at Easter when we were last here.
Teacher lets on the Bwmps is hungry. Bwmps likes his food and there is a very small window of opportunity between him getting hungry and full meltdown, so we dive right and take outside tables at SunSpot Cafe Bar for lunch.
A sign inside amuses me, proudly proclaiming that they don't have Wifi, telling customers to pretend it's 1990 whatever and talk to each other, and immediately below it another sign inviting customers to like and follow them on Facebook and Instagram!! I did point out the irony to Bet Lynch wannabe behind the bar, but it got lost in the vacum between her hoop earrings.
With Bwmps fed, Herself, Nursey and Mike hold onto the dogs while I join Nelson and Co for a mooch around the tat shops for Beaties and Bwmps to empty my wallet.
Back on site Nelson has a slot booking for the outdoor pool. I tend to avoid pools as generally I don't like being stared at and like to avoid the risk of being harpooned or clubbed to death, but Bwmps came round asking if Dats was changing into his swimming costume, so how could I refuse?
Very brave I was as I took off my tee shirt and strode confidently towards the water, all eyes on me.
Dipping my trotters into the shallows was fine and I'm pleasantly surprised at how warm the water is. Down step 1 and it's a little cooler, step 2 cooler still, and step 3 is tingly cold. With the hoards watching on I'm committed and cannot possibly back down now. Going in as far as my belly button sends my gonads shooting straight up my spine too, but at least the crowds have now given up on the spectacle.
Thoroughly enjoyed TBH, probably a lot more than Beastie who took a tumble out of her ring trying to do tricks and went under fully.
A lovely day is rounded off with movie night under the canopy before turning in contently tired.
Tuesday 11 August
Having failed miserably online to procure some eclipse glasses a plan is hatched. Mid morning Mike and I head off out in Trude on a mission.
The place took some finding, tucked away behind a load of other units, but when parked up Mike strides confidently into Bridgewater Welding Supplies.
I've never seen the man so confident, walking round like he owns the place and talking shade ratings to the expert behind the trade counter. Turns out the goggles they have are only rated 5, and we'll need at least a 10. We come away with a few pairs of 5 rated goggles, some additional 10 rated lenses and a roll of gaffa tape to do a Blue Peter job on them later on!
Time away from the site is called for, so after lunch we scrub up and pile into the wagons. Weston Super Mare looks glorious in the sunshine, but we remark how, much like Brean, quiet it seems to be. We bag some parking spots on Marine Parade and head north in the general direction of the Grand Pier.
We're 6 adults, 2 kids and 6 dogs in total, and people appear to be crossing the road to avoid us!
I suggest the kids may like a ride on the donkeys. You'd think I'd done a Lucy Connolly such was the vitriol in Herself's response to me. Apparently it's cruel. We carry on.
We're approaching the Observation Wheel set up on Beach Lawn and I ask the kids if they want a ride on that. Bwmps tells me he's not going on that as long as he has a hole in his arse .... well he didn't use those exact words but the just was the same!
Beastie is up for it so goes on with Teacher while the rest of us seek out some shade for the dogs.
We find it at the very dog friendly Bistrott Pierre, grabbing a few shaded tables on the outside terrace for Herself to rest her very knackered and extremely painful knees.
I can see that something has caught Beastie's eye in the distance, so leaving the others we walk on over to the old school carousel ride being drawn in by the loud organ music.
Bwmps was a bit serious for the first few revolutions, but after that the smile appeared and he enjoyed, so much so that when we got back to the others he declared that "I want to ride more stuff!"
Nelson and Teacher leave their dogs with us and head off over to the Grand Pier to purchase some wristbands for Beastie and Bwmps.
After sharing a cheeky crab sandwich with Herself we head off back to berrow and park on the beach so the dogs can have a good run in the sea at high tide before returning back to site.
Teacher's video of their day can be watched below
Wednesday 12 August
Teacher had seen online that there was a Wednesday Market at Warren Farm in Brean, so that's where we headed first off.
We park up in the blistering heat and thread out way through the stalls to have a mooch, taking care to walk in the shaded areas for much of the way.
Lunchtime, and Bwmps is getting hungry so we make the short hop over to The Brean Down Inn, taking some outside tables in the shade under their huge canopy, in no rush whatsoever to step back out into the direct sunlight.
An afternoon is spent back on site, shading below the trees and filling the dogs pool for them. They seem to understand each other's predicament and take it in turns to have a cooling dip.
We had this evening all planned out. A BBQ on Berrow beach, a dip in the sea at high tide before moving the cars off the beach at 6pm when it gets closed to cars before watching the eclipse through Mike's patented eclipse goggle. However Nelson hasn't been well this afternoon. His meds are messing with him and he's been unable to regulate his temperature. He's been laid on the bed with numerous fans pointing at him with Teacher spraying a water mist in his general direction.
We'd resigned to watching it from site, no beach BBQ or dips in the sea, when Teacher says that Nelson is feeling a little better now, did I have any ideas where we could go.
A bit of Googling and the beach at Uphill is the destination. 5.30pm and we're on the road racing over there, along with the rest of Somerset by the looks of it on arrival.
We set up at what we think is a safe distance from the incoming tide and start enjoying the evening.
It wasn't too long before things start to go tits up.
More and more cars arrive with the ranger doing his very best to advise people that the tide is coming in and they are parked below the high tide line! His advice was roundly ignored and more and more people crammed onto the beach.
We're all oooing and arring as we watch though Mike's patented goggles with the moon slowly moving across the face of the sun ...... as the waves start to lap up around the wheels of our cars!
We need to move, and move quickly. In the next row up there is space, but the occupants of a camper van have their tables and chairs spread out over two spaces.
"Excuse me, would you mind moving your table over a little so that we can get our cars out to escape the incoming tide?"
The bloke was going to accommodate our request and asked his absolute bitch of a wife if she could get up.
"I'm not moving, I'm set up here watching the eclipse!"
"Pardon? There are cars being enveloped by the water."
"Tough, should have got here earlier."
The under the thumb husband just shrugged, and I let myself down by hurling a foul mouthed tirade at the bitch before returning to Trude to find another escape route.
Here they are for you to share far and wide.
We found somewhere a little higher up before returning to watch the eclipse which was now at around 75%
Karma now has a role to play. The tide is still coming in, and is now lapping at the wheels of the campervan. He decides he needs to move and we are stood behind his van looking up at the sun.
He fires up the van and engages reverse, we see his lights light up, but the bitch pissed us off so much 5 mins ago we stayed put.
He gets out.
"Could you please move so I can move my van?"
"No, we're watching the eclipse."
"Could you please move so I can move my van?"
"No, it work's both ways Pal."
He's now shitting himself (Nursey did some checking later and they've only been the owners of the van for less than a month) as the water is now 6" deep around the wheels of his 2WD van. He gets out to plead once more.
"Your bitch refused to move out of the way just now when we were stuck and needed to escape."
He looks crestfallen. Teacher pipes up "We'll move out of the way if she apologises for refusing to move for us."
He relays the message to the bitch who spits out "Oh do fuck off!"
The bitch loses patience with the wet wipe and snatches the keys off him. The mist has now descended for Teacher as well and while the bitch is revving the engine and slipping the clutch Teacher has her shoulder into the back corner of their van.
At the same time Nursey is hanging through the window shouting at the bitch to stop, pointing out that no matter what she can't go round running over pedestrians.
The ranger has long since buggered off, and the tide is threatening to eclipse all the vehicles this side of the beach, except all are struggling to escape with nothing moving. One lady takes it upon herself to stop traffic coming from the other direction, explaining that vehicles are going under water.
The situation eases and we get off, but Herself is having palpitations, she doesn't do confrontation .... at all, and is two glasses deep before she stops trembling!
Back on site it's a game of Hedbanz under the canopy, full of laughs as we reflect on the day.
A truly memorable day today, captured beautifully by Teacher in the video below. An eclipse in our part of the planet is rare, and you don't appreciate just haw rare they are until you do some maths. The next time we'll have a decent one I will not be around, neither will Nelson and Teacher (probably) and Beastie will be 74 and Bwmps 71.
Thursday 13 August
After a pretty busy day yesterday there are no plans to do much at all today.
Beastie and Bwmps join me for a breakfast of coffee and croissants, obviously without the coffee, under the #Isabella canopy. Anyone would think we're touring "Europe" or something, as Diva seems to think that's the only place you can get them!
While there are no plans I take the opportunity to jump into Trude and make the short hop over to the nearby CAMHC site to have a quick catch up with the wardens @GailandmarkC and generally interrupt their morning routine.
Back on site Herself has been giving the van a clean out and is waiting my return with Trude to have a go at emptying Uphill beach from her insides!
Nelson has another pool booking for today, and we're extremely grateful to Nursey and Mike who kindly offered to look after all the dogs so that both Herself and I are able to head up there with them. It's baking hot poolside and some relief to slowly submerge into the tingly cold water.
Even Herself had a dip today ..... and thoroughly enjoyed.
I've been gas gambling all week. Our spare bottle is empty and all the cooking has been done on our van so don't really know how much is left. I pop over the onsite shop who are doing 7kg of red for £32. Very reasonable as our local Morrisons want £42.
They've run out, so I need to go out on a hunt. Herself had advised that the BP garage in Brent Knoll had some and after fighting with the traffic I pull up adjacent to the cage and go on in and join the queue snaking up the shop after picking up some dog food.
The bloke at the till had little grasp on English, and my thick West Wales accent further complicated matters.
"Could I have a 7kg gas bottle exchange please?"
"Do you have an empty bottle to bring back?"
"Well yes, that's why I said exchange!"
He tills through the dog food and asks for payment.
"What about the gas?"
"I can't charge you for that yet?"
"Why ever not?"
"He'll have to check we have some."
He says pointing to another bloke kneeling on the floor.
"Go outside and wait."
I do as I'm told.
Another dark skinned fella follows me out, but this one has a slightly better grasp on English.
"You want gas?"
"Yes, 7kg red."
"Do you have a bottle to bring back?"
"Yes, I told your mate that."
"Have you paid?"
"No, he wouldn't let me until you checked you had some."
"We have some, you go in and pay."
I go in again and join the back on the snaking queue.
"Can I pay for the gas please?"
"Do we have any?"
"Yes, that's why I'm back here trying to pay."
"What size?"
"7kg red"
"Propane?"
"Yes."
The card reader is pushed in my general direction without any mention of the price. I squint at the screen and it's displaying a figure just a few pennies short of £50.
My card gets slotted back into my wallet and I go back outside.
"Give me my empty back please."
"You no want?"
"Not at £50 I don't!"
Southwest Motor Homes is next door, and came to the rescue with an exchange at £36.
I dive into Bennett's Farmhouse Cider on the way back to pick up a 5L poly container of goodness. My reasoning being that the £14 I just saved will cover the cost. Fair to say there were no food safety hygiene ratings on display here!
Eyes down under the #Isabella later on for a few games of Prize Bingo. Beastie and Bwmps clear up between them shouting for a line each and a full house. I wonder how that could have happened?
Friday 14 August
Waking up I look out of the door to see Beastie and Bwmps already sat at out table having breakfast. I join them with a bowl of Special K and we watch the site come to life.
Herself and I need to do some gift shopping so suggest heading to Cheddar.
Like everywhere else this week, Cheddar is much quieter than at Easter and we easily find space to abandon the 3 VWs.
We're threading our way up The Cliffs, taking it in turns to go into shops, when Herself and Nelson have had enough and climb the steps up to On The Rocks, grabbing a bench with a view and some drinks.
Within a few mins everyone had joined them.
A different plan was hatched. We'd use this as a base, taking it in turns to look after the dogs while the others had a walk about.
There's a Christmas shop higher up, and it tickles me that outside they have a "Grinch Bench" outside, much like the Primark Benches they have elsewhere in the country for husbands and partners who've lost the will to live to sit and have a moan to other husbands and partners who've also lost the will to live.
All shopped out we make our way back down the village, stopping off at The Riverside Inn, taking over a few tables in the beer garden for a spot of very late lunch while Beastie and Bwmps avail themselves of the play area.
The others head to Berrow beach but Herself and I straight back to site to set about making a start on breaking camp, and we've just rolled the #Isabella canopy up when they all rock up. Nelson and Co head straight up to the club so the kids can watch the kiddie entertainment.
Nursey, Mike, Herself and I are sat outside our van, all a bit glum because we have to head for home tomorrow. Serious last day blues. We did consider hitching up and driving off tonight, briefly, but instead decided to take a walk up the club ourselves and grab an outside table.
Their time inside didn't last long. It was all a bit too loud for Bwmps, and it would appear that the kiddie's magician is only a kiddie's magician for very good reason and is not entertaining adults.
They retreated to the arcade.
Teacher's video of their day can be watched below....
Saturday 15 August
Going home day for Herself and I, with the others stopping on for another week. Having packed away the #Isabella canopy last night there's very little to do this morning, but we're up and out of bed by 7.30am to continue the process of breaking camp to hit the road early doors in an effort to beat M5 mayhem.
Herself takes the dogs for a walk while I hitch up, now making a little noise as there's no sign of life in Nelson's van. I start to get worried that Beastie and Bwmps may sleep in this morning and miss our departure.
Needn't have worried though, I'm lowering the hitch onto the ball and Bwmps is tugging on my shorts.
It's been an absolute joy be be around Beastie and Bwmps 24/7 this past week, bloody expensive too, but worth every penny. Emotional goodbyes are said and we're pulling out through the APNR barrier for the last time just before 8.30am.
Our effort to start early appears to be paying off. The M5 was ticked off, as was the M49 and over the bridge back into God's own country along the M4. Newport was also ticked off, and I'm thinking we may actually cover the 109 miles in less than 2 hours.
Like on the way up hopes were raised too soon, and while passing Cardiff Audi a matrix warns us of queues between J30 and J32. We soon hit a wall of tail lights.
At a standstill and with the engine off I fire up Google Maps to see the extent of our issue, not that we could do anything about it mind.
With Castell Coch to our right the traffic eased and there followed about 5 miles of chaos as all and sundry weaved in and out at warp speed in an effort to get to the front and make up for lost time!
We're choking as we roll between J33 and J34 as a blanket of acrid smoke shrouds the motorway, we've seen on social media about the many "Wild Fires" in South Wales, and there must be one up wind from here!
With the van back in storage I fire up our Life360 app and see they're all on their way to Glastonbury for a day out. Not envious at all, no not really!
What a week!
