Cold Showers in the Heatwave at Tenko

Sunday 21 June

Part 2 of our main summer holiday.  Father's Day today,but I had mine last night, news got around that we'd landed on return from West Sussex and my whole tribe descended on us for a KFC tea.  Both Nelson and Roids had bought me Rum, and I'm afraid to say I overindulged a little .... OK somewhat, and by the time I was climbing the wooden hill I'd consumed 3/4 a bottle to myself and was feeling no pain whatsoever as I stumbled up the stairs one by one.

Highlight of the night for me though was when Bwmps climbed onto my lap with his new Ivor the Engine story book asking me to read it to him, while he fell asleep cwtched tight into my side.

Due to last night's over indulgence loading the car up before heading down to storage was arduous, as was taking off all the locks and hitching up!

Having been to Bognor last week, we've no plans to go far this week.  We'd been holding out for a vacant pitch, out of hope if anything, but lo and behold on the Friday before leaving for the south coast one came free, and our destination for week 2 was sorted.

An easy tow of just under an hour, with no diversions through lanes sees us pulling in through the gates of Rivendell once more.  I managed to reverse onto the pitch first attempt, but resist telling Herself to get out to record it to show the world how good I am at reversing.  Firstly because I'm not a Class 1 HGV driver and was not guaranteed to get it right, and secondly I'm not a needy YouTuber or TikToker desperate for likes or clicks.

I'm pretty sure the working parties in Tenko had it easier as setting up in the heat was a challenge, and we took a break between getting the van sorted and erecting the canopy, taking the opportunity to have a quick cold shower.  It was some time before we were able to announce that "We is arrived!"

We get a call from Nelson asking if it would be OK for him and his tribe to join us.  By the time I've got back from the Co-op in Kilgetty - for the 2nd time because I failed to listen to what Herself had told me first time around they had arrived.

Nelson had called into B&M on the way down, so Beastie and Bwmps have a haul of brand new outdoor toys! The afternoon and evening is spent playing badminton, Swingball, football, bean bag tossing and fighting the dogs off for a cooling dip in their pool!

It was hard work cooking tea with the late afternoon sun shining straight onto the cooking station in the canopy, but it was nice to get out the Isabella table out and dine alfresco.

Even if Beastie insisted on eating in the boot of Vera!

It was gone 8pm when their tail lights are disappearing through the gate.  We have a quick tidy up before heading inside for showers.  Herself had herself a tepid one and I opted for a cold one.  Hard as nails me!

Herself did try to stay up to watch a bit of TV but can't get her more  knackered knee comfortable at all, so gives up and goes to bed to read.

I take the opportunity to sit in silence looking out in the general direction of Pembroke Dock with the 18" fan pointing at my gonads running full chat.

Monday 22 June

It's gone 8am by the time we both wake up, having had a superb night's kip each.  The first coffee of the day is taken outside in the sun.  I wish I could say in the peace of the early morning stillness, but I can't.  The wife next door likes the sound of her own voice, and she's loud.  You know the type of nagging wife that they used to portray in cartoon magazines back in the 1970s and early 80s when we were allowed to do that sort of thing?

Let's just say I feel sorry for the husband as they're kicking up dust heading out for the day!

We want fruit and veg, so make the short hop to Four Seasons Farm Shop before it gets too hot to leave the dogs in the car.

One of the things we like about this site is the wide open space, more than enough to give the dogs a little stretch, so that's what we do.

Just gone lunchtime and a rotund man waddles over to our van head to toe in hi Viz.

"I've got to turn the electric off for a few hours for testing?"

"What? On a day like today?  It's already 28 degrees and we've got a freezer full of goodies, and have fans running to keep cool!"

He shrugs and waddles off slowly. Probably just as fast as I would waddle off too in this heat, head to toe in Hi Viz.

Meanwhile I fire up the laptop desperately Googling how to work our fridge and turn it to work on Gas cos they're too tight to give you instructions for anything these days!

It's coming close to 2 hours, which in my mind equates to the "couple" that Hi Viz promised, and we appear to be nowhere close to having the switch flicked, in fact it appears that Hi Viz is nowhere near either!

The sun is beating down, and without any fans running it's like being in Tenko, only without the Japanese torture!  We decide to escape, knocking the fridge over onto Auto so it will switch over to electric when Hi Viz gets his act together.

At this stage the alcoholic Tiktoker would have been posting teasing thumbnails about a disaster and bragging about caravanning off grid.

We're cruising the lanes towards Lawrenny Quay when Herself has a ping moment.

"What's that pub around here babe?  The one on the quayside."

"No idea, can you be a little more specific?"

"You know, the one that we towed the caravan passed last time when we were lost."

"Gotcha"

Luckily it's roughly in the same direction, and were pulling up in the car park of the Cresselly Arms, which is perched at Cresselly Quay sitting at the upper tidal reaches of the Cresswell River.

The tide is out, nearly at low tide as Herself takes a quayside table while I go in to get some drinks and a pack of Billtong to share with the dogs.

We weren't going to move today, but Hi Viz made us change our plans.  That word serendipity fits the bill here again.  We had a delightful afternoon watching on as a bloke takes his two small dogs over to the other side on some stepping stones and below us in the mirky water dozens of what I think were dogfish made their way out to deeper water.

Back on site the Thors get dragged out for some relaxation in the sun.  Our electric is back on and the fridge had switched back over to work on 240, therefore saving my precious gas supply.

I may have fallen asleep at some point, but was woken by the smell of minted lamb cooking on the Ninja.  Herself has outdone herself here.  Once I've wiped all the dribble from by bare chest and sat at the table I'm presented with a plate of wonderfulness.

I can promise you it tasted as good as it looks.  The evening was spent taking cold showers and taking it in turns to have the benefit of the big fan, but even going to bed after the sun had gone down the control panel was saying internal temperature 31 degrees.

Tuesday 23 June

Looks like another hot one in the shire when we wake, luckily the fans are keeping the van reasonably cool overnight so a decent night's kip is achievable.

Breakfast is poached eggs on sourdough.  In a moment of weakness I'd picked up an avocado yesterday at Four Seasons.  I've only ever eaten it once before and thought it tasted of nothing really, but all the diabetic advice on Tiktok recons it's good for my condition so give it a whirl again.

I don't know if it was under ripe or something, but mashing it was a challenging task, and once more I found it tasted of nothing, just taking on the flavours of anything you added to it.

By mid morning it's getting too hot to sit in and around the van so we put our plan into place.  After cold showers we traverse the Presseli Hills in the air conditioned comfort of Trude heading towards Traeth Mawr at Newport (Pembs, not the shithole close to the Severn Bridge).  On our previous visit you were able to take your car down onto the beach.  This suited us because it would be less wear and tear on Herself's knackered knee(s) and there would be no lugging of food, drink and chairs onto the sands.

Over the hills and dropping into Newpost we're happy to note that the outside temperature is a few notches below what it was back at Tenko Rivendell and a hazy mist is lingering giving a little protection from the sun.

The beach is reasonably quiet, most people have dogs with them and most are either in the sea or at the water's edge.

We waste no time in joining them and just how warm the water in the bay is comes as a pleasant surprise, and Herself hitches up her summer trousers to enjoy a deeper paddle with the dogs.

I went in a bit deeper as I wanted a pee obvs!

We walk back up the sands for a bit of a relax, people watching while we eat our sandwiches.  Gwen moaned and whined all the time, looking on enviously as other dogs played in the sea.  The way she carried on you'd swear she hadn't just been down there playing in the surf herself!

We head back down there, this time throwing caution to the wind, and by the time we got back to our seats she's ready to flop with her head in a bowl of water!

The mist is burning off and it's getting too how to be out with the dogs and no shade, so we make tracks back over the hills.

The plan was to stop off for a drink at The Salutation Inn on the A487, it had looked very enticing on the way.  Pulling into the car park it became apparent that they had no beer garden, and the only outside tables were adjacent to the road.  We didn't stop and pressed onto the one and only Tafarn Sinc at Rosebush.  You can read all about the place HERE , so i'll not bore you by repeating it all.

Suitably refreshed by Asphall Cyder and Staropramen we head back to site, stopping off at Morrisons (and CK's because Herself forgot what she went in for) for provisions.

The late afternoon and evening were spent sitting in front of fans in attempts to keep reasonably cool, and we found it cooler in the darkened van than outside.  It was gone 9pm when shadows were cast over the site by the tree line and it was cool enough to sit outside in the fresh air reading until the light eventually failed.

The roof vents were left fully open on going to bed, content in the knowledge that if it did rain, sleeping directly underneath one of them we'd soon know about it!

Wednesday 24 June

Waking at 6am my heart sinks seeing that little red light in the shower room glowing.  I won't settle until it's sorted and resign myself to getting up, as comfortable as the bed it.

When I get back Herself had decided to get up and make the bed,  but I'd done my very best to stay half asleep dragging the waste tank over to the disposal point, so jumped back on it trying my very best to drift back off, but ended up just looking up at the clear blue skies overhead.

It's a little cooler with a breeze first thing as we breakfast under the canopy with the grass still soaking wet with dew.

Plan today is to stop near the van for as long as possible until it really heats up later on. So that's what we did, spending the morning lounging, dozing and having cold showers until it was time to scrub up and head off out for a spot of lunch.

There's only one place on our minds and it's stiflingly hot as we thread our way through the lanes.  Parking up at Lawrenny Quay we bag the last quayside table with shade and settle down for a crab sandwich with a view.

I'm pretty sure crab tastes so much better when your eating it next to the body of water it was pulled from!

Despite the shade, it's getting too hot for the girls so we up sticks and head for a spin in the air conditioned comfort of Trude.  Outside hits the magic 30 degrees, and we were going to call at Manorbier so the dogs could have a cooling dip, but the car park was some way from the beach, certainly too hot for delicate paws, so we carry on west along the single track road soaking up the dramatic coastal scenery.  The dogs are content sleeping in the coolness of the car anyway.

Doubling back we head for Saundersfoot.  With Trude parked up I carefully plot a shaded route to The Captain's Table and run the gauntlet with the dogs, bagging a table in one of their fully covered cabins.  Coming out with drinks I sit down and my phone pings.

"Are you enjoying your pint at The Captain's Table?"

It was from one of Nursey's old school friends, and I'm like a Meercat now looking around.  She joins us for a while and we have a good old catch up before returning to the car and back to the van.

Back at Tenko we spend some time lounging and spending some time in our new favourite part of the van this week.  Honestly, I don't know if we'd have managed without it.

I fell asleep again, but am woken by Herself for a superb Steak Frites that she has produced for our evening meal.

Late on and the sun is once again casting shadows over the site and it cools down a little.  A bowl of strawberries hits the spot in between a few chapters and calling time on the day.

Thursday 25 June

Forecast to be the hottest day of the week so far, and it's stickily hot in the van early morning.  Herself had a plan to be out and on the beach before it gets too hot.

We've traversed the Presseli Hills and are parked up at Newport before mid morning and enjoy a few hours lounging, and ensuring the dogs have shade in between time playing in the water.

Approaching midday it's getting too hot and the air conditioned comfort of the car is calling.  We take a different route back, stopping off at The Harp in Letterston for a cold one in the shade.

After a slight diversion into Roberson Wathen for ice lollies we pull into Croft Park, adjacent to Tenko, where we take a table in the corner for more refreshments.

By the time we get back to Tenko the mercury is pushing 35 degrees and the rest of the afternoon is spent taking more cold showers, trying to find some shade and sitting in front of fans.

The site owner pauses his grass cutting to take a photo of our dogs in their pool for his website.

It's gone 7.30pm before we even think about an evening meal, and even then cooking anything is out of the question. At 7.50pm we're pulling out of the gate and the temperature is still the wrong side of 30 degrees.  Kitchen closed by now in Charlie's Bar so we carry on.  The Captains Table has no outside space, and even they did there was noone eating.  The chippys that were open had people queuing out of the door so we press on.

Dropping down into Wisemans Bridge and the place is rammed, no tables available outside the inn either.  Herself resigns herself to cooking.  We cruise the lanes to Kilgetty, where like a mirage the Seven Spice fills up Trude's windscreen.

I pop inside to place an order and come out with 2 pints of Cobra to be consumed while we wait. The food was very good, very good indeed and once plates were swilled we sit out reading in the relative coolness of the evening air.

Nelson sends us a Whatsapp of the storm back home, we've nothing yet.  Not too long after we're scrabbling around closing roof vents as big droplets hammer the roof.  This was soon accompanied by white flashes and huge claps of thunder.

I fall asleep as God puts on a superb light show, with Herself sat up worrying and trying to convince the dogs that they too should be worrying.

Friday 26 June

What a night!  The storm raged and knocked off our power intermittently, not really an issue, but slightly annoying as our Amazon Echo continually rebooted illuminating the van inside.  The lightening continued through the night, albeit at a distance and without being accompanied by thunder and rain.

It's decidedly cooler when we wake, and all fans are switched off and we feel comparatively cold in temperatures of just 19.5 degrees..

Herself wants to get some model vehicles for Grumbles from the market in Cardigan.  We'd been cool under a blanket of cloud as we followed the A478 over the hills until we'd cleared the delightful metropolis that is Crymych when gaps started to appear in the clouds.  By the time we're crossing Afon Teifi in the shadows of Cardigan Castle the sun is shining and temperatures have risen to 23 degrees.

Now too hot to leave the dogs alone, Herself does a quick smash and grab inside the market and we head off out of town.

We take the B4546 that follows the banks of the estuary through St Dogmaels. No point going all the way to Poppit Sands as dogs are banned this time of year, so we stop off at the Teifi Waterside Hotel.

First time we've been here on a fine and warm day so a table is taken right on the banks looking over towards Patch as boaty people from the Yacht Club  do boaty stuff with their boats.

Back on site I have a power nap before we head out for an evening meal.  Yesterday I noted that Charlie's Bar on the adjacent Croft Holiday Park had Moules Fritts on the menu.  Herself knows how much I like this dish so agreed to go there tonight.

 The dish was superb, as was Herself's pasta dish, however on their website they state that dogs are allowed on the terrace and inside in part of the restaurant.  Well that's a little misleading downright lie.  If you have dogs you are not welcome in the restaurant at all, but are directed to sit outside in reception, surrounded by a queue of people either trying to check in or wanting to complain about the caravan they've been allocated, while all time time staring and wondering why a solitary couple is dining in reception.

We'll not be darkening their door again in a hurry.

Saturday 27 June

We'd decided yesterday that we both had a bit to do before going back to work, and Herself even if she won't admit it, is concerned about Grumbles being on his own for the best part of a week, and would therefore be returning home this evening rather than tomorrow morning.

A slow morning is had, gradually breaking camp and cleaning the inside of the van from top to bottom.  We'd planned to pop out somewhere in the afternoon, but to be brutally honest neither of us were feeling it.

Nelson rings, could he and the tribe come down?  A few hours later they're pulling in through the gate and our little corner of Pembrokeshire comes to life.

Bwmps loves caravans and dives straight inside and Beastie sets up an obstacle course and played badminton with her mam while Bwmps then busied himself with the tap and watering can!

We've no food in to cook so need to head out.  You know last night I said I'd not be darkening their door again in a hurry?  Well, plans changed.  It's warmer today so sitting on the terrace outside Charlie's Bar was possible, plus there's no way were going inside anywhere with 4 dogs between us ...... that and there just happens to be a play park right next to terrace.

Food was lovely again, and Teacher actually managed to enjoy a hot meal while Bwmps terrorised other children in the park.  What a lovely few hours to end our holiday, and we're both happy that Nelson and his tribe descended on us to liven up what would have been a damp squid of a day.

The clouds blew over and it was threatening to rain.  All our chairs are out in the open back at the van so we make tracks, finishing breaking camp and hitching up.

All done we're pulling out of the gate at just gone 7.30pm for the short journey back home.

Perpetually Empty Harbours in the Sunshine on the South Coast

 A split 2 week break this year.  Part 1 is away with Grumbles in a static on the south coast, and part 2 will be Herself and I escaping in our van somewhere yet to be decided for the 2nd week.

Saturday 13 June

After a very mixed week of weather we're happy to wake to blue skies and sunshine.  I'm in a shorts and tee finishing off loading the car when Grumbles ambles over at 9am complaining about the cold!

He usually takes himself off for a cooked breakfast every morning, but today has decided against it and has arrived at ours with just a solitary Weeatabix sloshing around in his belly.  I just know he's going to be hankering after food before we've left Wales, even though Herself had told him last night we'd be stopping for lunch enroute.

The M4 through south Wales was kind to us, but Grumbles starts to get edgy in my rear view mirror as we pass Magor services.  It's 11am when I pull off at Leigh Delamare to have a stretch and a pee, both me and the girls.

Grumbles pipes up from the back in his best Oliver Twist "Could I have a sandwich or something?" Herself is straight on it "Dad, I said we were going to stop off for lunch somewhere on the way!"

We're on the M3 heading south and Grumble's concerned face is occupying my rear view mirror as we pass each set of services until we hit a wall of tail lights approaching the road works at J3.

I turn off and head in towards Winchester in the hunt for somewhere to eat.  The first place we happen across is The Willow Tree.  We abandon Trude on a single yellow line and Herself throws her Blue Badge on the dash before we lead the dogs and are greeted by the very friendly waiting staff at the entrance to the beer garden.

Google waxes lyrical in praise for the place, "The Willow Tree boasts a beautiful riverside garden, along with all your favourite pub classics" and I must say that's quite accurate.

Lunch was superb, and feeling suitably refreshed we rejoin the M3 for the last 1 hour to our destination.

First visual impressions on pulling into Church Farm Holiday Village at Pagham are good, spotlessly clean and manicured landscaping.

On every other Haven site we've been to, check in has been at security and you head straight to your allocated van to break the seal on the door.

We pull up at the security lodge, and the goon dressed in black roundly ignores us while he faffs about with something.  He finishes his faffing, looks at us parked up on the white line as instructed, roundly ignores us again and unlocks the lodge door before going inside.

Oh, he's just sorting the paperwork we think, and he shuffles around scraps of paper before turning his back on us to put the kettle on!

"Excuse me, is this where we check in?"

A shake of the head follows before he turns back around to give the kettle his undivided attention.

"Could you tell us where we check in then please?"

He points to "over there" as words are apparently too much trouble.

Reception is in a rather posh old church building, and after being given a tag to hang from the mirror we're driving down towards 64 Priory View.

It immediately become apparent that we're nowhere near the main facilities, and we keep driving further and further.  I joke that if we drive south much further we'll be on the beaches of Normandy!

The van is found and is clean and tidy so we unload and chill for an hour before making our way to Morrisons in Bognor where Herself has arranged a Click and Collect.

An evening meal is procured from Royal Spice, where the sweaty mess front of house virtually begs me to pay in cash in exchange for a £5 discount - I agreed as £5 is £5.  But to be fair it was good, really good, and ranks as the best curry we've had in some time.

With full bellies and plates washed we're at risk of falling asleep without actually having done anything much today, so clip on the dogs and head out for an evening stroll along the tidal Broad Rife that forms part of Pagham Harbour adjacent to where our caravan is.

The tide was out, and Gwen gets into trouble covering herself in horrible looking black mud!

The van is bathed in late evening sunshine, flooding the lounge with warmth and light. Herself and I enjoy a few beers and glasses of grape juice while Grumbles takes himself off to bed.  We see him daily at home, but that's only for a few hours at tea time, it's only when he comes away with us and he's in our company 24/7 do we realise how his advancing years are catching up with him.  He gets very tired.

News filters through to us.  It's Roids' presentation night at his rugby club tonight.  It's their 150th anniversary year, so it's a special one.  He only went and picked up 3 awards. Players Player of the Year, Coaches Player of the Year and overall Player of the Year.

Some accolade.

Sunday 14 June

I'm up far too early after a good night's rest, and once late enough to be respectable I'm walking adjacent to Pagham Harbour with the dogs.

We get to the beach, and whilst the tide is out it's left behind a clean pool for Gwen to have a dip and wash out all of last night's mud.

Back at the van Grumbles is now up and tapping his fingers awaiting his morning coffee and breakfast.

Herself always likes to play a game that it's me that gets itchy feet on holiday, and it's me that won't sit around the van relaxing.

By 10.30am it's her and Grumbles that are sat ready to head off out for a bit of an explore.  We head towards LittleHampton, never been there before and only heard of it because the CAMHC have a site there, and a set of wardens I'm no great fan of were posted there once.

Parking was an issue.  All the car parks have a 2m height barrier, which while being good at excluding piss taking van lifers, also excluded holiday makers in a 4x4 with a roof box.  We take a left at Oyster Pond and find a space on Arun Parade with just an hour allowed.

We walk along the Arun Channel to the East Beach area.  Crabbing seems to be the theme here, with families hanging lines over the side, and to be fair they've all got crabs in their haul buckets!

The beach bans dogs though, which is fair enough so we continue on to the West Green.  That too has a sign prohibiting dogs.  We know when we're not wanted, so return to Trude.

The guys in the Coastguard hut advised that the beach further down by the huts is dog friendly so we head that way along Sea Road.  A beachside establishment catches our eye, so we park up for free and take a table for lunch right on the beach at "The Beach" after letting the dogs have a cooling dip in the English Channel.

Grumbles made me laugh though.  We're at the counter placing our order and the young girl is having difficulty using the till.  She has a walkie talkie that she's been issued to radio in the manager if she has any problems.  She calls him and she calls him, no answer.  Grumbles asks where he is, and on being given the answer he storms off.  I can see him stood outside the kitchen mouthing off to someone and pointing fingers!

That wasn't the end of it though.  Herself and I were sharing a plate of Nachos, which came almost immediately.  There was no sign of Grumbles' Tuna Melt.  Time ticked on and he's about to blow a fuse.  I go to the kitchen to ask where it is, and after a while the young boy says I'll bring it out now.

Still no sign and after another 5 mins the manager strides over.

"Did you pay for it?"

"Well yes, she read back my order before taking payment."

"Oh, ok, it'll be out soon."

Another 5 mins, no sign of the food, and the manager has walked passed our table 3 times and not uttered a word.  4th time and I grab him to say it's still not arrived.

"It wasn't paid for!"

"Weren't you going to tell us?"

This was lost on him, but it appears the bint earlier had messed up.  I'd not finished my food, but was marched inside to pay for Grumble's Tuna Melt before they'd send one out to him.

That said, it was an idyllic spot to waste a few hours, right on the beach with an uninterrupted view of the beach and water.

Back on site we get the chairs down from the roof box a settle down for a few hours relaxation in the sun.  I may have fallen asleep at some point and my solar panel will sting in the shower tonight!

Late afternoon we decide to head up to the Marsh and barrel for a pint. that pint turned into 2 pints and a Sunday Roast, rather then faff around making tea a little later on.

News starts to filter though from home. Following on from Roids' night last night Beastie has her football club's presentation this evening, and she's also picked up an award for most improved player.

Proud Mam & Dad and Mims & Dats this weekend.

Monday 15 June

Before coming away we'd been having a mare with Autoglass.  Our windscreen suffered a stone strike while away in Pembrokeshire a few weeks ago.  We contacted them immediately and the earliest appointment they had was for last Wednesday at home.

After waiting in all day we contacted them at 3pm only to be told our call had been cancelled because they'd ordered the wrong windscreen.  Majorly pissed off, one, because they didn't bother to tell us, and two because we suspect it's bullshit.  Exactly the same excuse 3 years ago on our last Touareg!  We suspect the fitter didn't fancy the job!

Anyway, it's scheduled for today for between 8am and 1pm.  We're up in time and by 9am we've still not had confirmation.  Herself gets on the blower and she's told just after 11am.

I take the dogs for a walk along part of the England Coast Path that runs along the side of Pagham Harbour, still no water in it.

I've got a bad feeling about this as 11am comes and goes.  The arrangement was for the fitter to ring us when on his way for us to meet at reception.

I lose my nerve and jump in the car to take a spin up there just in case.  Sure as eggs is eggs, the fitter is sat there in his van.

"You here for me?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Follow me."

He gets straight down to it.

While he's working he comes over to our decking.

"Autoglass have just cancelled the job!"

By now he's got the old screen destroyed and out and is prepping the replacement, and has told them he's already on the job.

Turns out Autoglass had given him a contact number for us with a missing digit, and were going to cancel the job with the excuse "Couldn't contact customer."

Bloody good job I drove up to reception "just in case!"

Anyway, he's done in under 1 1/2 hours, even if he hadn't fitted the new wipers that I paid an additional £49 for because they only sent out one!  Herself is on the blower to autoglass before his exhaust has time to warm up demanding a refund, having had quite enough of their incompetence / lies.

Job done, just needed to wait it out an hour for the bonding adhesive to cure sufficiently before Trude can be moved.

We head off out for a bit under strict instructions that Herself doesn't want to be sitting in the car all day.  I head for Bognor Regis as there seemed to be a bit going on around the pier area there.  We cruised the sea front first but Herself decided there wasn't much there.

I pull in and pick somewhere off the map. Rocking up at East Whittering it appears it's just a car park for the beach and they want £9 to park up, so that wasn't happening either.

I'm losing the will to live and things get fraught.  I recall they do harbour tours from Itchenor Harbour.  Rolling down the hill that idea is also eschewed and I park up at The Ship Inn.  Heading inside Grumbles is in my earhole fretting about the car park, so first things first I punch in Trude's reg number on the screen to avoid the threatened £100 fine.

We have a drink on the tables out front and Grumbles takes himself back down the hill to have a look at the ferry.  Herself gets cold in the breeze so we retreat to the beer garden out back which is a bit of a sun trap.

Back on site we call in The Marsh and Barrel on the way through for tea.  We had planned on a chinese takeaway later, but it turns out that it's closed tonight.

A walk along the path adjacent to Pagham Harbour is taken, and I really do need to look up the tide tables for this place at it always appears to be empty!

Herself and Grumbles perch themselves on the end of the walkway while I take the dogs down to the channel to throw a few stones.

Tuesday 16 June

Unheard of for me, but I had a lie in.  It was 9.30am when the wafting aroma of a hot frying pan filled my hooter.  As Moxy once said on Aufiderzein Pet "I don't know a man alive who can sleep through the smell of hot lard!"

I glance at my phone, and noting the lateness of the hour realise that Grumbles must be beside himself by now, nagging Herself for breakfast.

Superb effort it was too, but then it always is when someone else does the cooking for you.

We head off out, this time heading west.  We've gone about 7 or 8 miles ....

"Babe, did you pick up the dog leads?"

"No, aren't they in the car?"

"No they were in the van last  night after our walk."

About now, if I was an attention seeking Influencer or YouTuber I'd be posting teasing thumbnails about a disaster that ruined our holiday.  We're grown ups though, so Herself Googled the nearest Pets at Home and we diverted to the one in Chichester to buy a new pair.

Disaster averted we carry on over the border into Hampshire and over Bridge Lake onto the island.  We're heading south towards Hayling Island Beach near West Town, as that appears to be where everything is at on Google Maps, and the Donkey Sanctuary is closed today.

Rolling along Beach Rd and onto the Sea Front it immediately become apparent that everything around Funlands is also closed.  We drive along the front as far as the Eastoke Car Park, get the chairs down from the roofbox and set them up on the top of the shingle bank.

Herself and Grumbles settle down and I go down to the sea to play with Gwen and Gwawr in the surf.  Clambering back up the bank I realise all is not well.  They don't have Kite Surfing Schools here for no reason, and both Herself and Grumbles are cold in the wind coming offshore.

I wander over to the Hayling Island Railway, and that too is closed today.

We pack up, but on leaving we look on aghast as a Chav family in a Ford pick up threw chips to the fighting sea gulls, thinking it's funny.  As if that wasn't bad enough, when finished they just opened their door and threw out the cardboard containers onto the floor.  I stopped and pointed at them, and the Chav bitch just shrugged.  FFS, some people.

I'd seen brown signs for Fisherman's Creek on the way in, so with some difficulty we find that in the hope there will either be something there that is open, or at least somewhere to sit.  There was neither, and it turned out to be just a holiday park.

We back track through the deserted end of the sea front, and give Inn on the Beach a wide berth as I know it'll be too windy.  Pulling into the car park of the Ferry Inn I'm relieved to note the outside seating area is protected by glass screens.

We settle on a table with views up towards Milberry Harbour and out to the English Channel, watching on as the ferry goes about its business and Gin Palaces bob on by.

The idea of having a spot of lunch here is eschewed, partly because the menu was a bit ponsy but mostly because of the feral sea gulls!

Hayling Island didn't really offer anything we'd want to come back to, or stay any longer for that matter, so we head north and cross the bridge back onto the mainland.

The lovely looking Ship Inn catches our eye, with tables on the quayside looking onto Sweare Deep.

The tuna sandwiches hit the spot, and it was a superb setting for our late lunch, even if the ambience was spoiled slightly by the big outdoor screen set up for showing The World Cup.

A takeaway Chinese from China Garden in Rose Green and a late evening walk around the totally void of water Pagham Harbour finished off the day nicely.

Wednesday 17 June

Looks like we had a drop of rain overnight, and it's cloudy when we wake up.  The weather seems to be a lot easier to forecast around here.  I've never been anywhere in the UK before where the Met Office has been so accurate with their work of fiction.

Never mind, we've plans for today that are not weather dependant, and it's due to brighten up this afternoon anyway.

Google lies. Under 1 1/4 hours they said and 48 miles. Trude's satnav said over 1 1/2 hours and 51 miles.  Guess which one was right!

I feel a bit guilty, and foolish for not looking at an actual map.  If I had done I'd have known how close we were going to be to @legsdown neck of the woods, and would have arranged a meet up.

Departure isn't until 2.15 pm so we're pulling into Sheffield Park Station of The Blue Bell Railway in plenty of time for Grumbles to have an explore of the station shops and museum.

Herself was panicking about getting onto the train.  She is really suffering with her knackered knees, and big steps are a no no.  I went to speak to a platform attendant about ambulant disabled access.  He caught me unawares to be honest, as we're 240 miles away from home.

"Scarlets jersey?"

"Err."

He tried his very best to pronounce Llanelli.

"Yes" I say with a puzzled look on my face.

"My wife is from Pont-iets."

We then have a conversation about his wife's background, his nephews who are Scarlets fans and the Indian Restaurant they always go to when visiting family in God's own country.

We're being hauled today by Camelot, built in 1951. It appears the beast is somewhat famous in anorak circles, holding the speed record for locomotives in its class at 107 mph.

We're not long out of the station and the clippy comes round to punch our tickets.  He talks us through the journey and "warns" us that the 731 yard long Sharpthorne Tunnel is the longest tunnel on any UK heritage railway and is also rumored to be haunted.

I have a feeling the haunted bit is bullshit.  Gwawr has sense for these things and can see stuff that we don't, and she was unphased while we were underground.

Grumbles got out at East Grinstead to watch the run-around before we enjoy the same scenery along the 11 mile track on the return journey.

It was a long drive back to Pagham in the rush hour traffic, skirting Brighton and Worthing were particularly tortuous, and getting close to site the car park of The Walnut Tree Bar & Restaurant was a particularly welcome site.

It was very busy and we were extremely lucky to get a table.  Service was quick and the food was excellent.  Our regular evening walk along the side of the waterless Pagham Harbour finished off the day.

Thursday 18 June

I'm sleeping well, once again Herself is pinching my toes sticking out under the duvet to wake me as breakfast is just about ready.  By the time I wipe the sleep from my eyes and have a pee Grumbles is sat at the table attacking his like a savage!

The plan for today will mean a lot of on lead time for the dogs, so I take them for a walk skirting the still empty harbour, arranging to meet Herself and Grumbles near reception.  When me and the dogs arrive Trude is parked up and empty, and Herself is busying herself looking at the statics for sale.  I'm beckoned over to say things like "Oooh this is nice" and "Isn't this good value."

To be fair, the 2nd hand (or preloved in you're a snowflake who can't admit you're not rich enough to buy brand new) vans were in very good condition, and at £29k and £37k represented what seemed like a good deal.  I was reminded that we paid somewhere between those two figures for our tourer.

Heading into Chichester we're winding through the side streets following the Cathedral spire in the skyline.  I ignore Herself's directions to signed car parks in the hope of finding something a bit closer.

Bingo! I round the corner onto Woolstaplers and spot a blue P.  Down the ramp we rolled and bagged a space in the underground car park.  Payment required was only £3 for 3 hours, but we couldn't get the app to work underground.

Climbing the steps to street level and a better signal we have no more luck so I step into the adjacent Travelodge to ask for help.  The very friendly Manageress comes out and I explain my predicament.

"Tell you what" she said, "If you promise to write me a good review on Tripadvisor, saying how helpful I was, I'll book you and your car into the system as 24 hr guests". "How does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me, thank you very much."

"Winner winner!"

I go outside and try to explain to Herself that I'd turned on my charm, and sorted it.

"Bollocks, you haven't got any charm! I don't believe you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence!" as I walk passed the entrance giving a little wave to my new friend.

With a dig in the back we exit Chapel Street onto West Street and the splendour of the Cathedral comes into full view, that is once we'd cleared the tables of alcoholics sucking on beer mats outside 'Spoons.

We round the corner to the main entrance, guarded by Saint Richard.  I'd checked online before leaving the van to see if dogs were allowed.  They were, but Herself didn't believe me, and I'm instructed to go inside to check.  They still are!

Entrance to the Cathedral is free, but there is a "suggested" donation of £7 per person.  Rather conveniently the foyer is guarded by two old biddies, each with a touch screen and payment pad. Our dues paid we head on inside, and the magnificence of the place immediately strikes me.

We turn right onto the South Aisle to look at the baptising font and a chapel dedicated to those fallen in the World Wars.

Herself and Grumbles then take a seat each in the Nave and have a quiet 5 mins listening to "The Turn" giving it their all under the Central Tower.

The stained glass window in the South Transept is something else.

We dive left into the Presbytery where the choir will sit.  It brings back fond memories for Herself of when she was also a chorister for St Albans in Llanelli, although this setting here is rather more grand and opulent.

Towards the end of the South Aisle there was a glass floor over looking a void, thankfully it wasn't looking into someone's final resting place, but at an uncovered Roman mozaic floor.  Either way Gwen was unbothered about walking over a glass floor.

We take some time to light some candles, too many for my liking, and Herself took herself off into the Lady Chapel for some quiet reflection time.  She came out with teary eyes, it must be dusty in there!

Back down the North Aisle now, and we take a right into The Treasury and gift shop area. Herself fancies a little wooden church mouse ornament, but wishes she hadn't, as it took the old biddie manning the till a full 10 mins to work out how to work the screen and till (something to do with VAT).

This left me and Grumbles plenty of time to admire the stained glass overlooking the North Transept.

We're back down now, stood under the North West Tower, while Herself is busy tapping the screen filling in the visitor survey.  I notice Grumbles keeps looking up, and says "It makes me feel dizzy just looking up there!"

"Don't look up then!" says Herself as we make to leave.  On the way out we come across a group coming in.  Rather forcefully they say to the old biddies "There's 4 of us, and we're going to donate £1 each!"

The neck on some people!

Coming out of the Cathedral we pass the Bell Tower and head straight to another religious establishment.  Sitting on the other side of West Street is The Duke & Rye, a Marston's pub housed in what used to be the St Peter the Great Church. The building dates to 1852 and is of Gothic Revival design, with the Grade II listed building being deconsecrated in 1982

I'm not a practicing Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but always feel inspired when I visit a church, especially when they serve beer!

Back on site the chairs get dragged down out of the roofbox for a few hours relaxation in the sun before a tea of salmon, Jersey pots and green beans.

The plan was to take a walk up to The Marsh & Barrel for a few drinks, but to be brutally honest a sever case of CBA occurred and finishing off my stash of Corona bottles in the van became far more appealing.

Friday 19 June

Our @Derektheweather is forecasting good things for today, and when I wake it's blue skies and sunshine, and Grumbles sat up front waiting to be fed and watered.

I offer a Weetabix and get a grunt which I interoperate to mean "Oh, yes please, that would be nice.", so make up two bowls placing them on the kitchen island counter.  His stayed there until Herself got up some 20 mins later and passed it to him.

No plans to move far today and after breakfast the chairs get dragged out of Trude and we settle down for a morning of relaxation, popping in and out of the van for drinks and ice lollies.

Early afternoon we decide to take a walk along the side of the harbour to the beach area, plonking ourselves on the edge of a decked walkway. Clicky Here.

I take the dogs down to the water, there's not much left in the channel behind the spit, but even at low tide I estimate about 3 ft deep.  I dip my toes and the water is tepid and the temptation was too much.  I scramble up the shingle, sgtrip to my pants and join Gwen for a refreshing dip.

Getting back out wasn't pretty, and I feel fortunate not to get either harpooned or clubbed to death!  Herself and I perch on the edge of the walkaway soaking up the sun with a warm breeze.  For a brief moment, if we ignored the shingle we could have been back at La Lagons in Fuertaventura!

Grumbles wanders off to rediscover how they built the harbour and comes back to inform me how they built the harbour walls, exactly the same process I'd described in detail to him night before last.  He also describes to Herself that the tide appears to be coming in from 2 directions, something Herself had told him just 5 mins ago!

You know that scene from Only Fools when they're in the pub and Trigger is about 5 mins behind everyone else ad Del Boy touches Rondney's arm and says "Let's go!"

We make our way back, and see the harbour with some water in it for the first time this week.  Not much but some water.

The chairs get dragged back out for a few hours relaxation, before it's time for a freshen up.  Herself had gone inside for her shower and I start packing away the chairs to load in the roofbox.

"Are the chairs being put away?"

"Yes, it's time to freshen up to go out."

"OK" he utters as he scoots straight up the steps into the van.

"I'll fold all the chairs, put them in their bags and up in the roof then shall I?"

Time to go out, only as far as The Marsh and Barrel, and Grumbles heads straight for Trude pulling on the door handle.  Herself says "We're walking so Himself can have a few pints."

His face dropped, and he started pouting big style. The sullen face remained all the way up there, all through food and all the way back. He'd  walked far too far this afternoon on his exploring and was feeling it more than he would admit.  Considering he's now 86 he's done remarkably well this week, but will probably sleep 2 days solid when he gets home!

Saturday 20 June

Up and atem this morning as it's going home day.  We're packed, loaded up, and with the van cleaned hitting the road by 8.30am.  It would have been earlier as our checking out instructions were to drop the key in the box by reception.  Reception not yet opened yet I go to look for the box that was by the gate yesterday.  It wasn't there and Herself is doubting me.  Back we go to reception and Herself can't find the key box either.  There is a letterbox down at floor level though.

What king of psychopath put's a letter box and ground level?  I'm groaning my way down to throw the key through, trying desperately not to follow through myself, when a body appears the other side of the glass.  He unlocks and takes our key off us.

"Where's the box by the barrier, it was there yesterday wasn't it?"  I ask specifically because Herself is doubting me as she didn't see it herself.

"Oh, we only put it out on Friday as that's a big changeover day."

"What about the box by reception that's referred to on our instructions?"

"What box?"

Simple straight run through to home with no holdups to speak of, and with just a pee stop at Leigh Delamare we're dropping Grumbles off at 12.15 pm ready to unload and get the washing done ready for tomorrow.