I feel we may have started something this time last year. In the run up to Christmas we were once again struggling to think of a present for my Mam , Coupons, and Herself's Dad, Grumbles.
The idea of a long weekend away as a present was floated and both jumped at the offer.
Choice was limited as we need three separate bedrooms, with at least 1 being at GF level and we need one one bathroom at ground level too. Town houses are out of the question as the living room is invariably up a flight of stairs.
In the end, after many nights getting square eyes in front of the laptop we settled on a barn conversion at Gunnislake, near Tavistock in Devon.
I often moan at the cost of renting a pitch for a caravan, but my eyes were watering when perusing the offerings of Airbnb. That said, I did eventually find a cottage coming out at £90 per night, which I consider to be really good value (3 bedrooms, kitchen, living room and 2 bathrooms) as just a pitch on a Caravan Club site would have been £52 a night this weekend!! The club really need to reassess their pricing structure!!
Friday 27 January
On what seems to be 63rd January, Herself and I are up early doors and through the security at Morrisons by 8am to get in a few essentials, before returning to Home is Where you Drag It Towers for a game of car boot Tetris.
Just after 11am we also have Coupons and Grumbles loaded into Toyah's back seats and we're announcing to Facebookville that "Wagons Roll", albeit sans caravan, and it doesn't feel right at all.
Climbing the slip road at J48 I'm a little taken aback by Toyah's nimbleness without having to tow 1700kg, I don't get to drive her much without being hitched up and am soon up to a cruising speed of - ahem - 80mph, getting a sideways glance from Herself.
It was an easy spin, apart from hitting slow traffic at Newport and Bristol, and by 2.30pm we've covered to 200 miles and are squeezing through the gate of Todsworthy Farm Holidays in Gunnislake, just over the Cornish border, and parking up outside Cider Press. Note to self .... do a bit more research when planning a trip away so yopu know what bloody county you're staying in.
First impressions are good as we set about carefully unloading our stuff from Toyah, The risk assessment had highlighted risk of injury from an avalanche if the wrong item was pulled out, with the control measure being close eyes and hope for the best!!
We settle in and have a brew before thoughts turn to empty bellies. Herself gets on the blower and books a table at The Tamer Inn at The Quay in Calistock.
Just a few miles from Cider Press, but all down hill and very narrow at times. Parking was an issue, but the place looks quite quaint lit up in the darkness.
Back at Cider Press my dodgy box gets fired up and I'm flicking through the channels to locate one showing The Scarlets v Vodacom Bulls, who were arriving in Llanelli full of confidence (some may say overconfident) vowing to "come out firing" and blow us away. Unfortunately for them it was The Scarlets who started well, and held out to claim the win.
I was knackered after the drive so retired a little earlier than the others.
Saturday 28 January
I'm no bloody good in strange beds and bedrooms, not on the first night anyway, and that's where a caravan comes into its own, once the blinds are closed it's a familiar bed in a familiar bedroom, wherever we've dropped the legs. That and you don;t get the feeling you and your wife are not alone in the bedroom of the 18th Century building you're stopping in.
Anyway, I get up and creep down stairs as soon as it's a reasonable hour, 6.30am, and get a brew on to go with some luxury chocolate biccies that Coupons has brought with her.
Herself joins me at 8.30am and Grumbles isn't far behind her. Coupons is having a shower in the adapted bathroom and wafts into the kitchen just in time for breakfast, over which a plan is hatched to head up to the north coast, staying in Cornwall for today.
We cruise into Tintagel just after 11am. It looks quiet.
Parking is easy and we hit Fore St. For the most part it's closed, but Grumbles discovers the Tintagel Toy Museum and Collector's Shop, where he loses himself for far too long. We leave him to it and adjourn to the King Arthur's Arms, which is very welcoming even if there was a bloke a suit of armour next to us.
Grumbles rocks up with a carrier bag, much to Herself's disgust as his little bungalow's foundations are already groaning under the strain of all the crap he's got crammed in there. He's bought himself a model railway station platform, to go with his model train set that he's not set up in more than 30 years!
Refreshed, we set off up Fore St now. I'm on the hunt for a sword and for some reason Coupons hates the coat she brought with her (she has dozens, so why she chose one that she hates is anyone's guess) and wants a replacement. We both failed miserably and head back to Toyah to move on.
Dropping down into Boscastle we're relieved to note that at least 50% of the shops are open, which is about 30% more than Tintagel. Herself and Grumbles appear to be stumped by the Turpin machine, but master it just before the tide turns again!
Coupons is still moaning about her coat so we hang a right into Regatta, which has a sale on. In the time it took Coupons to find a new coat Herself mugs me for a pair of new walking shoes and a gilet!
After walking down as far as the pedestrian bridge we about turn back up towards the car park and take refuge in the Cobweb Arms, where we take a table for a late lunch.
It was lovely, if a little rustic, in there. A proper pub with 2 roaring open fires. All was going well until they brought my food out.
I'd ordered some dirty fries, chilli beef with jalapenos. My food was already later that the other 3 meals being served, but my heart sank when they brought it out. Call me picky, but if a dish is going to be smothered with cheese then at least a mention of cheese should be present on the menu. I'm not a fan of cheese!
Trying to explain my predicament to trigger behind the bar was a trying experience, until a supervisor popped her head round the corner. A replacement sorted and an apology given and we're right as rain, apart from the others having to sit round waiting for me to finish mine.
Grumbles was getting particularly fractious, mainly due to him catching a draft every time someone opened the door 12 ft away. That wasn't the reason I took my time eating my food, honest it wasn't. The chips were hot!
Time to head back, via Tesco in Launceston for diesel and provisions for this evening back at Cider Press.
Some dickhead had parked too close, and Herself was walking round the back of Toyah when it happened, and I knew in an instant that my day was to get a whole lot worse very quickly.
Now I know it hurts when you've got normal legs, but Herself doesn't. Regular readers will recall that Herself's knees are knackered on account of her no longer having cartilage between the bones. I could see it happening and time slowed down, I was was cartoon like "Nnooooooooooo" when she walked straight into Toyah's protruding tow hitch.
I'm left in no doubt whatsoever that this is my fault, if we'd gone to the Coop closer to Cider Press like she'd suggested it wouldn't have happened.
I know when I'm beaten, and stay quiet to appease her while the waves of pain subside ......... well that and I had spotted some cans of Guinness Draught in the trolley on the way out, and if we have words they'll be locked in Toyah's boot.
Sunday 29 January
We wake and Cider Press is shrouded in good old Cornish mizzle. Over breakfast I look up a Plymouth webcam and it appears to be clear, if a little blowy down there.
After breakfast we scrub up, pile into Toyah and point her nose southwards, crossing the Tamar and into the Devon and the city.
First port of call in The Hoe. We're treated to free parking with Coupons' blue badge. I'm bursting for a pee and head straight over to the public toilets. Turning the corner I'm dismayed to see a 50p charge applicable, but needs must. It's card only too, so all at Natwest will know that I've had a pee in Plymouth at 10.45am on Sunday 29th January 2023.
Well they would have if the poxy card reader would read any of my cards! I tried my debit card numerous times as well as my credit card. No luck, and by now I've crossed my legs, am crouched over and sweating profusely. A last throw of the dice with my Tesco card is successful and I'm ripping the door off the hinges.
I come out and the others are waiting, too cold round the corner and wondering where I've been all this time.
We had a good old blow, took in some scenery, but ultimately it was too cold for both Grumbles and Coupons to hang around.
Back in Toyah we try and find our way down to The Barbican, signposted well for pedestrians but so well for vehicles and parking. We eventually found a car park adjacent to the National Marine Aquarium. Crossing the footbridge over the lock into the Barbican there's lot of people about
Many just strolling and people watching, some sampling the wares of the exotic food stalls, but the biggest attraction of all, with full tables and queues at the counter is Cap'n Jaspers.
We take a table inside The Ship and I go up to the bar. Herself has some grape juice anesthetic, Coupons a hot chocolate, Grumbles a latte and I'm waiting for mine to be poured. The girl starts and it don't look right at all. She tries leaving it settle before topping up, and it still looks rank. I say I'm not even going to try it and insist on a thatchers instead.
We've been sat down a while and I notice them pouring a whole bucket of it down the sink! Interestingly they do doggy beer here too, maybe that would have come out of the tap better than the black stuff they tried to serve me!
Herself is enjoying the rest, but Grumbles is getting restless again. Herself asks him if he wants another drink, but he refuses. Exasperated she asks him what he does want. Food he spits back at her. You see, he was trusted to make his own breakfast this morning before leaving, and had just one small slice of toast, and he's now hungry.
He was expecting to play out a charade before we left, whereby I make him a tidy breakfast, he pretends he doesn't want it, but eats it anyway as I've cooked it, but that didn't happen.
I was fancying stopping at Cap'n Jasper, but Herself wasn't keen, suggesting Rockfish just over the pedestrian bridge. We got as far as their menu board. Best part of £20 for fish and chips wasn't happening, and Grumbles is now in a world of pain.
Next stop is Drakes Circus just up the road. Abandoning Toyah we head straight for the food hall, where Burger King provides enough sustenance to stop Grumbles killing someone.
I hate shopping and I hate shopping malls with a passion, and I'm in a world of pain myself now and I push Coupons from shop to shop and around children's clothing sections!
We're eventually loaded down enough with assorted bags from FatFace, H&M and Next (Herself also got Grumbles to part with some folding in Sunglasses Hut) and I call time on the expedition.
Heading back over the Tamar Bridge it starts to drizzle, and I'm happy that we've stayed dry today considering what we woke up to this morning. We call by the Co-op in Gunnislake to pick up the ingredients for a sausage dinner this evening, before returning to Cider Press after a busy day out.
Monday 30 January
There's been something bugging me since we arrived. I could have sworn pictures and floor plans on Airbnb showed 3 bathrooms, and Herself had convinced me that I must have been mistaken. Up early doors this morning so checked out the listing, sure enough, there it was, as I remembered complete with pictures of what I can only assume is Hayloft next door!
Can't complain to the host, as despite the glowing reviews on line he's been un-contactable since we arrived and wanted assistance on a few issues.
Grumbles isn't too well today, he's got a cold starting and is convinces he get it getting cold on the Hoe. I try saying that a cold is a bacterial infection and you can't catch one just from being cold, but he's not having it. Coupons is a bit breathless, and we suspect she's not been taking her water tablets when down here, and Herself's knee is still smarting a bit after the falling out with Toyah's tow hitch.
A big day still planned though, even if walking distances are limited.
Back over the Tamar we head, into Devon and through Tavistock and up onto Dartmoor. Princetown is the first town we drive through. Don't ask me why, but whenever we go up onto the moor we always take a look at the prison. Only Cat C these days, but once held London gangsters, including associates of the Krays.
We didn't see a soul while passing through Princetown though, not a soul. One would think most of the inhabitants were behind bars or something.
Just down the road is the Two Bridges Hotel, which describes itself online as "Plush Country Hotel with upscale dining".
Herself and I stopped here back in 2017 as part of our Silver Wedding Anniversary Grande Tour road trip, and whilst we'll agree with the dining bit, it certainly isn't plush, quaint maybe, but not plush, and it doesn't look like they've spent a penny on any new furniture since then either!
We enjoy a cuppa in various guises sat on worn out sofas around a roaring wood fire, at least it was roaring once I'd given it a little bit of attention!
We carry on, giving Heytor a miss for today, and dropping down into Bovey Tracey and pulling into The House of Marbles. Beastie and Bwmps benefit from the large selection of traditional toys here as Herself, Grumbles and Coupons get into some sort of competition! We wander through the museum sections towards the open glassworks of Teign Valley Glass to the rear and look on slack jawed at how much they want for a glass paperweight back here!
Still, we did have a free warm though!
Onward we headed to The English Riviera. Sounds exotic doesn't it. Finding the sea front in Paignton took some doing due to road closures and road works. Parking was free though, 3 hrs if you have a Blue Badge, which Coupons has. The plan was to hit the pier after a bite to eat, except like most places down here this weekend it's closed.
I suggest The Harvester for lunch, situated next to the Theater on Esplanade Rd. Herself sidesteps that idea heading straight for the delights of Torbay Rd. Torbay Rd, aside from the arcades, is shut. The only other eatery presenting itself is The Talk of the Town, a JD Wetherspoon establishment. The clientele gathered outside sucking on cancer sticks is enough to put anyone off, and backs up the claim that Paignton is the spice capital of the southwest!
We wouldn't have gone in anyway as we won't use the chain. Two reasons. Firstly the way they treated their staff during lock downs, and secondly they do not allow dogs, even in outside areas.
Guess where we had lunch. Yup, the Harvester. Coupons obviously uses this chain quite often, as is a black belt in getting value for money. Two courses for £10.99 and she goes for a main and dessert. "Well, there's a free salad bar, I'll have that as a starter!"
The food was nice, and we spend a pleasant few hours having a slow late lunch, watching the comings and goings outside through big picture windows.
Grumbles didn't order a pudding. I knew this would cause issues though. He was getting impatient after our mains and was itching to leave. He chases the waiter down and points his finger "They're waiting for puddings over there mind!"
Even though he didn't order one, he then watches me intently as I eat mine, every mouth full mind. I didn't make the most of it, honest I didn't.
Back outside we take in the view of the beach with late afternoon walkers before heading back to Cider Press to settle down for the evening after another full on day out.
Tuesday 31 January
Bit of an incident last night. We were all in bed by 9.30 pm, and I'm fast asleep. Cider Press is an 18th Century converted cottage, and no doubt has a fair bit of history. I've had this feeling all weekend that Herself and I have not been alone in our bedroom, but not said anything.
Like I said, I'm fast asleep and hadn't noticed that herself had got up out of bed to go down and check on Coupons who was a bit breathless. I was a bit warm so had stuck my feet outside of the covers and as it's night time I don't have my hearing aids in. Still fast asleep I am under the impression that herself is lying still in the bed along side me when I feel a cold pair of hands starting to tickle my feet!
I screamed!!
Up early today as check out time is before 9am!! A game of car boot Tetris once more and a 3 1/2 hour drive home.
Nice break away to bust the January blues, even if much was closed! Until next time.
