Cornwall 2024 (Part 1) - Significant Diversions - Having Moments & Ninja Sea Gulls

 Right.  This is going to be a difficult one to write. It seems a very long time since October 2023 and our last trip out in the van.

At the start of the "season" - mid March - we were given the devastating news that my Mam, affectionately known on here as Coupons, had stage 4 lung cancer.  Trips away were out of the question as Herself and I shared the caring for Mam.

Just two months she had until the cruel disease took her from us in the middle of May. Rest easy Mam, pain free and reunited with Dad.

This trip won't be easy.  Nelson and his tribe is joining us for the duration,  as is Nursey and Hers.  Grumbles also has a chalet booked on site and Roids and Cochyn are also joining us for spells.  The big thing though will be that Coupons should also have been with us, as she was last year.  That will be a difficult one to deal with, but we'll see how it goes.

Friday 21 June

Let’s just say the lead up to departure was not exactly stress free.

Grumbles has a chalet booked on site and was travelling down today in front of us.  In recognition of his advancing years he’s recently invested in a GPS emergency watch, one of the features being that we can get a live update of his location.

He set off at 10am and I tracked him at regular intervals as he made his way along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge (I still refuse to call it the Prince of Wales Bridge) and down the M5 onto the A30 into Cornwall. I was about to do a tip run and saw he was near Newquay so on my return I was expecting to see him in Perranporth.  How wrong could I have been.

I logged onto the app on my phone and couldn’t believe my eyes.  It was saying he was near Oakhampton!  Logging onto the laptop produced a similar result and Herself can see the worry on my chops and is concerned herself.

She tried ringing him, but to no avail, so we sat worried as we watched his live location approaching Exeter!

Time for us to leave ourselves at 6.15pm.  Nelson is hugging my rear end as we climb the J48 slip road and onto the M4 for that all too familiar journey.

Herself is unable to relax though, not because of my driving this time though.  Her eyes are glues to her phone screen as Grumbles live location updates.  He still won’t answer the phone, but has now turned around and is heading west once again.

We pull into Taunton Dean for a pee and Grumbles actually returns a call.  By now his live location is Penzance !!

Herself is beside herself.  He’s totally lost and has now been driving for over 8 hours without a clue where he is.

She tells him to turn around and we track him as he takes the B road from Hayle back up country.  Once more he gets within 10 miles of Perranporth before staying put for what seems like an age.  A phone call lets us know that he’s giving up.

By now we’re traversing Dartmoor via the first of what turns out to many diversions that evening.  He’s parked opposite a garage so we tell him to go in and ask someone of they’ll be good enough to set his satnav for  him.  It was either that or he would need to stay put and we’ll some to get him later!

Anyway, he got given some simple directions and he made it, albeit about 5 hours after he should have.

The traffic for us was very light, but it would appear we picked the wrong Friday evening to attempt to travel west into Cornwall on the A30, with most of it being closed.  It was like an Old School tow into the West Country, fighting our way through villages, and traffic calming!

I had a moment though.  We were climbing up over Bodmin Moor and Herself was struggling to find a DAB radio station.  I reminded her that we have as SD card slotted in with all our music, so she fires it up.

There’s about 2000 tracks on that card, so it took me back a bit when the first random song it played was Half Way to Paradice by Billy Fury. I started bawling, and Herself is frantically trying to change the track before I crashed the rig.  You see, that track was the “Exit Music” that Coupons had chosen for her funeral just a few weeks ago!

Coupons loved her holidays, and was supposed to be on this one with us.  It was a sign, I’m sure.

Just gone midnight and we’re pulled onto the late arrivals paddock and winding the legs down for some kip.

Saturday 22 June

7am and Herself is poking me.  “Your Grandchildren are here mind!”

We have a coffee before I walk over to Grumble’s chalet to check on him, loaded with coffee and a breakfast roll.  He’s fine after his ordeal yesterday, albeit a little embarrassed.

Just after 1am we’re escorted down to our pitches by the golf cart and we hit a problem.  They’re still occupied, and not the numbers I was told  we’d have, which are unoccupied.

Trigger, with the clipboard, is flummoxed, but after a brief chat over the walkie talkie he proclaims that we’ve been moved to 30 and 31, and goes to set off.  I yank him back saying that we want to see the pitches first.

We’re chuffed with them though. Two pitches in their own paddock, we can have our awnings facing each other, right next to the entrance to the dunes and just opposite a play park for the kids.

We’ve just about banged in the last peg and the golf cart rocks up with a motorhome following.  There was lots of sucking on teeth and shaking of heads as they looked at us.  I cut the conversation short with a shake of the hand and “We’re not moving!”

It was 4pm by the time we’re done, it was hard work under the hot sun and we’re knackered.

Not much planned for this evening.  Nelson and Co head off up to Nursey’s static to shower Beastie and Bwmps and devour some goodness from Pappa Johns.  Herself and I collect Grumbles and we take a table outside Surfbay for an evening meal, while Steven looks eagerly on.

Sunday 23 June

We wake surrounded by good old Cornish mizzle.  Grumbles comes down from his chalet, joined shortly after by Nursey and Mike, and we produce bacon and sausage sandwiches for 9.

After breakfast a shopping trip is abandoned as we hit a wall of tail lights approaching Goonhavren.  Google maps shows a long red line all the way to Newquay due to the A30 closure, so a few essential are procured from the Co-op in Perranporth to see us through.

We’re not attempting to move anywhere again today.

An afternoon walk through the dunes is called for, so 9 plus 5 dogs set off through the dunes.  The dogs are loving the freedom and Beastie is insisting that Dats climbs to the top of every tump with her.  Bwmps has given up and is now shoulder cruising and we head back onto Perran Sands further down and take a table outside Coast Sports Bar.

Early evening meal is provided by Pappa Johns and Slim Chickens and washed down with various well deserved alcoholic beverages while Beastie and Bwmps run riot with foam swords.

Back to the van for a quick freshen up before entering the Live Lounge and a world of noise as Rory and the rest of the Seaside Squad do their stuff.

I buy myself a pitcher to ease the suffering, well there’s no point pretending I won’t drink 4 points is there, and we settle down while the kids strut their stuff on the dance floor with Nelson and Teacher taking it in turns to keep an eye.

We had a great evening, but I’m not quite so sure about the middle aged couple that chose a table in the quiet corner of the Live Lounge to enjoy a drink only for Beastie and Bwmps to choose that particular spot to go wild with their new bubble wands!

Back at the van we need to set up the bed up front for guests arriving over night.

Monday 24 June

Roids arrived at 3am travelling down after picking Jacquie in Bristol following a few days of close protection work.  Locks had slept the whole journey so was unaware that they themselves had attracted the attention of security as they circled the site trying to find us.

Nursey and Mike didn’t make breakfast  this morning, either enjoying some “us” time or hiding from our chaos, but join us at around 11am.

We spend the morning around the vans, in our own little enclosure doing not much at all really, except throwing coffee down our necks and playing with Beastie, Bwmps and Locks as well as the obligatory dune walk.

It’s 2pm by the time we’re all presentable to head off out for a few hours, not too far mind as Beastie has a date with Rory at 6pm!

In convoy we rock up at Healey’s and people are giving us a wide berth as we disgorge from the cars.  We are now 9 adults, 3 kids and 6 dogs in total.  Passing through reception I swerve the guy trying to upsell “farm tours” giving him the good news that we’re here for the free “Farm Animals”.  He was crest fallen he was “Farm Animals”.  He was crest fallen he was as a potential commission on £200 worth of ticket sales wafted passed him without a second glance.

I’m pushing Locks in her buggie and much to  my amusement she’s insisting on saying hello to each animal as we approach and waving goodbye as we move on.

Bwmps slept the whole way round, and no one had the guts to wake him from his kip.

Tables are taken in the courtyard, close enough for the kids to pop back in, and we sample the various ciders they produce here.  It was a pleasant couple of hours.  Locks and Beastie followed the chickens and peacock around in between playing on the tractor, the chat flowed, and once again Bwmps slept straight through.

As with all these places you can’t get out without avoiding the gift shop. Grumbles is quite taken with the Berry Cider so procures an armful of them, Nelson grabs him and Teacher an assortment and I score myself a Rattler bucket hat to protect my folically challenged bonce.

Tea is a quick effort of burgers and hot dogs off the Weber before we’re dropping the dogs off at Nursey’s van before entering the chaos of the Live Lounge.

Bwmps has the place in stitches at one point as he clears the crowd and calls the dinosaur forward during a tour of the room! Beastie also got called up onto stage to take part.

Once again Beastie and Bwmps are well into it. Locks was a little taken aback at first, but as soon as Rory and George appeared she’s dragging Roids down to stage front.

Grumbles comes up to join us, but is less than impressed with the magician (I use the word loosely to describe his act) and Jacquie says rather loudly in a now quiet room that she could do that trick with a magic set she had when she was 12.

9pm comes soon enough, and the kids are done in. Dats is also dribbling after a few pitchers of Madri, so we head back with a few boxes of goodness provided by Papa John for an awning party.

Tuesday 25 June

I’m up by 4.30am needing to visit the toilet block and after the traipse over the touring field I’m joining Timmy Mallet and his wide awake club.  The awning gets a well overdue tidy before I take the opportunity to bang some keys on the laptop, catching up with the blog.

6.30am and I decide that getting up so early wasn’t such a good idea and climb in next to herself.  There I stayed until I was awoken by the smell of bacon cooking as Nelson and Roids sorted out breakfast.

They have a swimming session booked and head up to the indoor pool at 11am, where I’m told they had a great time.  By the time Beastie, Bwmps and Locks have been fed and changed it getting on for 3pm by the time we head out.

Newquay was quiet, as has the rest of Cornwall been so far this year, and we bag parking spots with ease.

Fore St is a little busier though and we make our way along it at different paces.  I get myself a new daysack and knife before taking a table at the Fort Inn overlooking the beaches of Newquay.

It was here I had a moment. coupons loved this spot, she would nurse a glass of water for hours at a table looking out over the harbour, the beaches and the ocean beyond.  I looked over to the table we were sat at this time last year and was sure I could see her, sat there soaking it all up.  I sat there and cried.

A visit to Morrisons is necessary where we load up the trolley with stuff to have a BBQ at the van.  It was some effort to cook burgers, kebabs and chicken for all of us, but we got it done as a team and all filled their bellies and had a good drink.  Beastie wasn’t impressed though as she missed out on the Seaside Squad this evening.

Wednesday 26 June

On a mission today.  Both Teacher and Jacquie have been forewarned that if we want to what’s planned we need to be out and on the road before midday.

Nelson and Roids get breakfast on the go and everyone is showered.  By some miracle we’re on the road and heading west on the A30 by 11am. We’re doing well until we hit a wall of tail lights as we approach Hayle, where we’re stationary for a good 20 mins.

Cruising through Penzance and onto the Lands End peninsular everything feels familiar, even the bloody sea mist that enveloped us and blocked out the blue skies and bright sunshine we’d enjoyed since getting up this morning.

Lands End has new owners. It’s always been a tourist trap, but these have now ramped up the rip off.  It starts in the car park, with an all day ticket being £7.80.  First call is the visitors centre to get tickets for the youngsters to do some attractions.  Bwmps and Locks are both under 3 so are free, but even so tickets for Nelson, Teacher, Roids, Jacquie and Beastie to do just the Wallace & Grommet thing and Greeb Farm came to a whopping £72.  Last year a family ticket to do everything was £35.

Jacquie has never been here before and I have to tell her to use her imagination, as on a clear day you can see the Isles of Scilly off shore.

Today we’re struggling to see Longships.

While they go off the rest of us settle down at tables outside the hotel conservatory just chatting and having drinks.  The hotel has also ramped up prices.  A pint of Korev was £6 plus the compulsory £1 for a plastic drinking beaker, and wine a whopping £11.50 – plus £1 for the plastic joking wine glass!

They enjoyed though, and that’s all that matters.  The gift shop mugs us on the way out and we head back east on the A30 to Perran Sands.

The youngsters have a quick change and make track straight up to the Live Lounge and the seaside squad, before emptying their cards of credit in the cashless arcade on the way out to pick up Slim Chickens for supper.

We have all the dogs, so have taken an outside table at Surf Bay.  Things didn’t get off to a great start as they’d changed the evening menu since Saturday.  Grumbles is most put out that he can’t have his sausages and mash again, and to be honest I’m a little peeved that the noodles dish is also off limits!

Nursey had ordered drinks to be delivered to the table, but we gave up waiting, and after 20 mins went in to retrieve them.  Mike’s fish and chips came, but the bread and butter side was nowhere to be seen for 10 mins.

The rest of the food came out and before Herself’s had been place on the table a seagull swooped and picked up two pieces of garlic bread.

The waitress said that because she was still there they would replace the items, and we were lucky.

My pointing out “It’s your responsibility to get the food to our table, so there’s no luck involved!” didn’t earn me any popularity bonus points with her.

We gave up waiting for cutlery and went in to take some off tables inside.

My Katsu curry arrived minus the side order.  I sat and waited.  The waitress came back to see if everything was Ok.  My reply “Where are my skin on fries?  I’d like them so I can eat my food before it all goes stone cold!” send me deeper into the red zone with her, and she’s giving me serious attitude now!

Back in the awning Roids produces a gift for me, a bottle of Cornish rum, which we demolish while sat up late talking and laughing. Nelson and Teacher even came over, not falling asleep themselves this evening putting Beastie and Bwmps down for the night.

Thursday 27 June

Herself is struggling to get out of bed this morning, but she’s not the only one.  I pop down to Perranporth to procure stuff to throw breakfast together and call in on Grumbles on the way back.  His curtains are still closed so tap the window and tell him I’ll come back later for him.

After breakfast we fill the paddling pool for the kids (and dogs) to have a splash, deciding a day going nowhere is called for.

Roids does a slow pack up, as him, Jacqueline and Locks are heading home today, being back in work tomorrow, and we’re waving them off at 12.30.  It’s been lovely having them, especially Locks, around us 24/7.  A real treat for Herself and I.

The afternoon sort of passed by napping and playing with Beastie (Bwmps had an extended nap) before making a start on preparing tea.  The Weber gets a rest this evening, and I get into JFO mode throwing together a Spag Bog for 9 of us.  Some feat on a portable single ring and the caravan cooker – Special mention to teacher here who did all the chopping and Beastie who did all the carrying of said chopped stuff.

Everyone is knackered though, Nursey and Mike take Beastie up to theirs for a sleepover, Nelson and Teacher settle down with Bwmps to watch a film, I drop Grumbles off at his chalet to continue his Sudokothon and Herself wakes from her slumber asking where everyone has gone?  She didn’t realise she’d been out cold on the bed for 3 hours!

Friday 28 June

A quiet day yesterday, and no beer last night ensures I wake up fresh and full of energy this morning. The dogs benefit from it by getting an early morning walk through the dunes.

I look at St Piran’s cross up in the distance and think why not.

We’re snaking our way through the dunes and keep looking up at the cross perched on the tump and I burst out singing “There is a green hill far away, without a city wall ……”

This changes to Rocky music as I ascent the tump and jump triumphantly at the top!

St Piran’s cross is the earliest recorded stone cross in Cornwall and was already an established land mark by the time it was mentioned in the charter of King Edgar in 906AD.  Apparently there’s also a church buried in the Penhale Dunes somewhere close by too, also dedicated to the patron saint of Cornwall and tin mining.  Today people have taken to leaving painted pebbles at the base.

We’re in the cars by 11.45am and heading north up the A30 to Padstow.  Parking was a nightmare and we tried the car parks a little further out of town (and up the steep hill) in turn before managing to find some space in car park #4.

Winding down through the narrow alleyways I see into the future, and can see just myself, Nelson and Mike climbing back up the hill to fetch the cars back down!

From the shade of the alleyways we burst out into a world of bright sunshine, with a throng of patsty munching, chip eating and ice cream slurping people.  There is no one that isn’t eating something.

Beastie spots a Henna Tattoo stall straight away, so her and Bwmps get a glittering version each before we head off over to where the speed boats leave.

Myself, Nelson, Teacher, Beastie and Bwmps occupy a row close to the back and wait while the boat fills up.

Beastie and Bwmps are full of smiles while we’re in the speed restricted zone, but that changed somewhat as we got into open water and drive gave it some beans.

We got wet, very wet, and I’m sure the boat spend 50% of the time airborne as we wave jumped out in the Celtic Sea! We got thrown about and soaked as the NED at the helm threw us sideways into wave after wave.  It wasn't pretty as the videos below demonstrate!

Soaked through and dripping wet we crossed the bridge to meet the others.  Grumbles is unimpressed as we’d been too long for his liking.  He wanders off to look round the shops while we go into Mountain Warehouse to buy some dry tee shirts!

With the lunchtime rush now over, we get a few tables outside The Old Ship to have a beer, taking it in turns to hold the dogs and watch Beastie and Bwmps (who are  busy on mobile phones) while others pop off to look in some of the shops.

The Ninja Gulls are a problem this year everywhere it seems, with the staff here coming out at regular intervals with a Super Soaker to shoot at the lingering beasts!

Back on site Nursey and I pop down to Perranporth to pick up a Chinese which is devoured post haste in the sunshine.  Beastie and Bwmps are due an early night so while Nelson and Teacher put them down the rest of us head up to Coast Sports Bar for a quick drink.

Nursey doesn’t have a drink very often, but if she has one, she has one, and gets a pitcher of some cocktail all for herself.

Grumbles is enjoying the darts on the big screen, so a quick drink turns into an evening, and it’s 11pm by the time Herself and I have walked him back to his chalet, and then staggered back down to the touring area where Nelson and Teacher are sat out in the awning watching TV.  It reminded me so much years back when Nelson and Roids were younger, and Herself and I would settle them down and retreat to the awning ourselves - except we were watching grainy terrestrial TV and not the latest movies on Netflicks.